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Sneek peek to my fan fiction im writing
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river_of_slime
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 07, 2002
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 Posted: Apr 23, 2003 11:48 AM
Yes thats right im making a fan fiction but mine is Gb3. I have alot of time now b/c my computer is in the shop. So i give you a seek peak, its the begining of the movie. Also if i may add this story is going to be like Gb1 which means its going to writening with older teenagers and adults in mine. Its not going to be like Gb2 which was writen for kids
(It’s a sunny day out, with no clouds in the sky. A taxi comes around the corner and stops at the Firehouse and a middle age man gets out of the taxi. As his fixing to knock on the door a blonde girl walks up to him)
Girl: (Excited) is that who I think that is? It is you! How’s it going Dr. Venkman?
Peter: Im doing ok and I don’t sign autographs sorry. So please leave me alone.
Girl: Don’t you remember me? You gave my friend and me that ESP test 19 years ago.
Peter: Is that you Jennifer? Wow long time no see. So how’s it going?
Jennifer: Its going ok, my life change after that day.
Peter: How so?
Jennifer: Well for one I lost the lottery everyday since then, and I had this vision that one day you be hit by are car.
Peter: Well im still here and it doesn’t look like I be hit bar a car because all I do is play golf now. Oh by the way that ESP test I did to you well you got all the answers wrong.
Jennifer: (turns red and u can see she’s upset and angry) You mean to tell me that the reason I kept losing in the lottery is because im not pshyic (Slaps Venkman) I hope my vision about you getting hit by a car comes true. (Walks off)
Peter: Well sorry but that’s science for you. (Knocks on the door) Hello anyone home?
Man: Who is it?
Peter: Are you the Keymaster?
Man: Why yes I’ am (opens the door) Oh my god its good to see you Pete.
Peter: Its good to see you to Ray
(They Hug)
Ray: So what brings you to New York City on a wonderful day like this.
Peter: Well I hear about the new team you and the guys made. I wanted to meet them and plus Dana and Oscar are away in England with a class trip. So that’s why im hear.
Ray: Well you know you’re always welcome.
Peter: I know but I been so busy lately.
Ray: Doing what? Playing golf.
Peter: Yep.
Ray: Ok, well the new guys are away on a call right now but Egon, Winston, Jeanie, and Louis are still here.
(Walks in the firehouse)
Peter: I see you haven’t change a thing since I left in 1990. Is Louis still your lawyer slash account?
Ray: Yep by the way I went to the hall of records the other day and you wont believe what I found.
Peter: Did you by any change find your scription to Playboy maginze that you lost?
Ray: (laughs) Nope still looking but I did find Mr. Stay Puft hat.
Peter: (excited) Wow Ray, so where did u put it?
Ray: I put it on the roof.
Peter: Cool I gotta see before I leave.
Ray: When you thinking about going back home?
Peter: Tomorrow.
Ray: That’s great we can have dinner tonight and share old stories. (Screams) Hey guys look who’s here!
(Winston and Egon come downstairs. Louis and Jeanie come out of there offices)
Peter: Yes guys its me. The one, the only Dr. Peter Venkman.
Egon and Winston: (says at the same time) Holy Shit it is you.
Peter: Hey guys what's happening?
Winston: Not much (Hugs Peter)
Peter: What everybody in a hugging mood today?
Ray: Ok group hug!
Peter: NOOOOO! Help me im turning into a pancake.
Egon: Its good to see you Pete.
Peter: You to Egon, So Louis and Jeanie you to afraid to talk to me.
Jeanie: No not at all im just speechless.
Louis: (Confuse) So where’s Dana? I miss her a lot.
Peter: Do u still like Louis because remember im married her, and she’s in England with Oscar on a class trip.
Louis Oh no its not that I just like talking to her about stuff.
Ray: (excited) Hey guys Peter here till tomorrow so lets all go to dinner tonight.
(A car honks its horn outside)
Jeanie: Oh there back (pushes the button to open the door)
Peter: Wow you guy still drive the 59 caddy.
Egon: Yep, but we took all the crap we had on there and replace it with smaller stuff. I show to you it later.
Peter: Cool!
(3 men and 1 women exit out of the Ecto)
To Be Continue……
Tell me what you think so far and BTW i havent figure out the whole story just the beginning.
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River of Slime is temporary closed.
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roshangar
Ghosthead
Joined: Jan 16, 2003
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 11:52 AM
Egon would never say "Yep" or "crap".
Just a thought.
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Ghostbusters Convention:I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! Let's do it!
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Janine, didn't yo momma eva tell you not ta get involved with no Ghostbusta!
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Proton_User
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 24, 2002
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 4:02 PM
since when does Egon Swear?
other than that its sound but what about the EGB! 
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we nuke the spooks that won't stay dead...We stop things going Bump in the night...We are Ghostbusters:West Coast Division
"i can either be insane or Eccentric its your call... but i have to be rich to be eccentric so that makes me insane!" - DR Robert Griffiths
"I'm thrown in with a bunch of bloody lunatics." - DR Robert Griffiths
************************************************
click here and be amazed!
GB:west division NEWS thread
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MuthaPussBucket
Ghosthead
Joined: Feb 25, 2003
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 4:08 PM
Egon swore in the first movie, if I'm not mistaken. But that's not why I'm posting. First off, and I'm not trying to be rude, but if you're going to post a fan fic, even if it is a preview, SPELL check it, please!
Some of the jokes were weak, and personally, the GBs weren't just about the plot, humor was a big part. Also, what's with Stay Puft's hat? It seems out of place in the conversation. I did like the "Are you the Keymaster" line, though...work on it.
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Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong...
~Ryan
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river_of_slime
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 07, 2002
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 4:22 PM
K i fix the spelling and grammer
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River of Slime is temporary closed.
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crazymrtibbs
Ghosthead
Joined: Sep 01, 2002
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 5:44 PM
i like, keep on it
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Agent D
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 09, 2002
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 5:45 PM
Well, it's off to a good start. I guess this is supposed to be GB3? I'm gonna reserve judgement until I read more. But so far so good, River.
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Ghostbusters N.O.M.A.D. House Sitter
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"Howdy, Vakesh! Meet Winona!"
*smack*
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Ludicris
Ghosthead
Joined: Oct 12, 2002
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 8:33 PM
great job. I am sort of depressed by the foreshadowing of Peter being hit by a car though. Hes my favorite ghostbuster. Oh well. Awesome so far River. 
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please, no applause.
Ghostbusters: West Coast Division
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Doc Ryedale
Ghosthead
Joined: Nov 02, 2002
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Posted: Apr 23, 2003 8:47 PM
  I LIKE IT!!!
It just needs spelling and Grammar checking, and remember, Egon VERY RARELY ever uses profanity.
Other than that, it's great. I hope to read the rest soon.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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"We're on a mission from God!"
"Hey, do you believe in God? Well I do. Praise the Lord and pass the Particle Throwers! I love Jesus' style. . . "
"Back off, man, I'ma Genealogist!"
They don’t just call them The Real Ghostbusters for no reason! Take a look at Take Two, Citizen Ghost, The Ghostbusters Omnibus Timeline, THE GHOSTBUSTERS FACT LIST, and RGB Truly Canon with the Movies?, and you’ll see why!
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river_of_slime
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 07, 2002
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Posted: Apr 26, 2003 12:09 PM
Thanks for the support guys, yes i know the spelling and grammer but its only a first draft so please give me a little break
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River of Slime is temporary closed.
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evil_toaster
Ghosthead
Joined: Oct 05, 2002
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Posted: Apr 27, 2003 1:25 AM
*Grammar
Sounds fantastic, I love it!!! Keep it up, I want to see the whole thing first when it's done!!
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Why are you reading this? GBN's closing in 20 mins. Go read something more important, like the farewell thread. Really. Come on people, stop reading my sig! Right now! I mean it! Ah, what's the use, damn yuppie larvae...
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river_of_slime
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 07, 2002
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Posted: May 05, 2003 8:29 PM
Anyone else have comments or suggestions
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River of Slime is temporary closed.
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Doc Ryedale
Ghosthead
Joined: Nov 02, 2002
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Posted: May 05, 2003 10:29 PM
Yes. FINISH IT!  I really liked it. Don't leave us hanging by a thread. Wait a second, wasn't that an RGB Episode? 
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"We're on a mission from God!"
"Hey, do you believe in God? Well I do. Praise the Lord and pass the Particle Throwers! I love Jesus' style. . . "
"Back off, man, I'ma Genealogist!"
They don’t just call them The Real Ghostbusters for no reason! Take a look at Take Two, Citizen Ghost, The Ghostbusters Omnibus Timeline, THE GHOSTBUSTERS FACT LIST, and RGB Truly Canon with the Movies?, and you’ll see why!
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river_of_slime
Ghosthead
Joined: Jul 07, 2002
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Posted: Jun 03, 2003 5:39 PM
Any other comments?
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River of Slime is temporary closed.
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mrshowtime3740
Ghosthead
Joined: Aug 15, 2002
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Posted: Jun 03, 2003 7:14 PM
This sounds like a good fanfic. Now all you gotta do is clean it up.
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They call me Mr. Showtime...
"You want ratings? Watch this!!!!"
"I just want you to Carry Me Home."
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